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An update ...

It is December 29th ... and I wanted to update to correct this just finished exams. But no ... close the half was delayed a little more ... and then dropped like a sack of potatoes Christmas ... and has been the New Year ... be savored quickie before they lose all grace, no?

try to summarize in a word the year, not much latearlos: INTENSE. I have not stopped since January this year ... one after another after another ... pure roses until May ... hence the backpack was getting heavier ... a stone ... and another ... trying to empty those not served ... with the desire and the mood is almost intact, I get by very nearly undefeated ... peeeeero ... October and November turned into hell itself, with flames and penance. When I thought I was completely consumed and about to throw in the towel ... the end came, as all of a sudden. Yes, the year was the split in many ways, but it reminds me that I can not leave unfinished business for the other. Does not change overnight.

The bad: victim of crime at my parents ... and revive the desire to establish the death penalty again. The draining of freelanceo parallel to work and school. The bad relations in the last project in the worst time of year (October-November)

What remains: health while still remaining more or less stable, not overcome the expectations. Stabilize the finances to not succumb to debt.

The good: academic work and the "amorsh." The workforce happy, I did what I like, went well and is expected to continue in 2010. Studies approved in advance. Love as 27 year old teenager in a stable relationship.

That would be a summary ... and what will be in 2010? ... Bicentennial year, of course ... than others to be seen.

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Can we blame ...?

And ... -2logL ... maximum likelihood function ... I have a collection of concepts rambling through my head without ordering. That desire to finish the semester ... they want to close the year has flown by. I am in the middle of January, with the characteristic heat ... but with the possibility of being at home napping. Cute picture.

Things are not so terrible ... but as my level of productivity tends asymptotically to zero ... I can hardly be closing themes. I think that on Friday surpassed one of them: the laboratory test ... a little breathing room to continue in the things that are missing.

finish my driving lessons next week also ... then you get the license and be in danger of the streets in "Smurfette." I think the calculation expenditure has fallen ... I filled the tank on Monday and I have gasoline for awhile ... spending less.

Last night I dreamed I was in a house, very bright, came the afternoon sun ... recognize him because it was a red light. And I was alone, I think listening to music and humming ... looking out the window, sitting in a recliner ... I stroked his belly ... felt peaceful, tranquil. I do not understand exactly what you meant ... guess what the peace is more of a yearning ... about the house may be that strange land ... I sang the lighted window as the clarity ... and belly ... I stopped two seconds in the morning to rebuild the dream ... every square ... and belly? ... longing or suggestion ... it felt so good ...

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I've always said: I do not like having to choose. And that does not mean you make choices all the time: the clothes I wear in the mornings, the food I eat lunch when the typeface I write tests ... but when you start adding up the amount of choices and decisions you make every day, we collapse the non-stop. Makes you want to decant things alone and taken to port. Many "courses" of my life have been like ... less domestic decisions that I refuse to do and I hope they make themselves ... almost by divine grace things "happen" and I only live, no more complex than that.

strategy has worked, but they come a time when it is no longer enough. When I had to choose a career, I had no need to analyze the options, when I was working I had to decide to resign was the best option, convincing me that it was a failure. When I had to choose Desuc-Isuc di me around and around to see where there were more projection. Major decisions of student life and work. And so I realized I missed everything and I have not even bothered to think how I want to finally take the ship.

can I get having to turn me into this again and again ... and I'd have to worry more about my family, my love life, whether I want to marry and when to have children, if I want to travel the world or go to a mountain hermit. But no, despite my pajero, my life is work and study ... and so I'm eating again and again, until there comes a shake-up and start again. I love having everything so clear that even had no need to question why or what for, and live ... forget what I think the rest and just follow my instincts ... how many times I've done has been bad, but still I can not validate as a method of life.

And here I am with insomnia ... with the tight throat ... face wet with tears that had spilled in months (if you are the hormones or something else, nor do I care), trying to clear my head and my thoughts. That desire to get lost in a hug, talk about "poto" and the "peak" by carioca play of beer without feeling guilty ... and look for reasons for not sending everything to the top of the hill, and there are many: I love what I do and where I do, but I am intolerant to criticism, and it kills me ... and blocked me. After sleeping

may find more meaningful things ... I wish it were so. I would like to be able to say everything I think ... and move on, without these stones constantly kicking ... and my feet hurt so much kick.

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After to read much about the process of civilization, I have the feeling of "holding" too much information and not worth questioning ... So what have been pacified with manners?, "No turning back in the modern economy's potential when no one is able to imagine anything else?, Is it worth thinking about cutting a fallen king years ago?, does it matter that the monopoly of violence it has the state even when some believe in it?

Perhaps this type of questioning is due to the process of "domestication" that modern life offers us and we end up going like sheep to the flock ... for that matter, the marginal loss a critical thinking mind and no one feels, who loses least.

The alternative is not mortifying ... such as the juicy meat on the palate (Matrix) ... And what is the problem of wanting to enjoy the simple things ...? even once in a while ...

One sunny afternoon out of the office ... walking across a plaza ... watch and enjoy the green ... things simple, ordinary ... without questioning, without thinking momentous, without Luhmann, without Kant ... without Gauss and his campaign ... Could it be that I was longing for a little spring in my life? Maybe, why not ... and I'm not complicated at all ... I think turning your head and look at other things there is nothing wrong. Today

I laughed because by reflecting like this, someone told me: "ah, well ... you know why it's called love ... if not ... I do not understand how YOU would be talking about these things ... the other alternative is that you have been abducted to UFOs. " Maybe it's the two. A while now I feel more tame ... but I think in the best sense of the word. Buspirone, yes ... dependent, the rest ... love, though I loath to admit. And that's the thing no more. Although I think it has more benefits than I had expected ... at least on the side of having a more optimistic perspective on earth ... but that does not mean I suddenly fly and dream a little. I think the mission is to find the happy medium between the two ... or at least the least painful.

is painful to open old wounds ... but it feels a relief that despite downloading ... I think it's another positive aspect of everything that has happened in recent times. No waiting, no plan for it ... just happen. Questions? ... yes, many ... but no longer pose a barrier as some time ago. One small step for mankind, and a huge for me.

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I had already forgotten how relaxing it can be blogging ... last night I remembered a little ... and repeat the exercise. Clearly

hours post-holiday happiness did not last long ... only see the tray entrance to my email, gave me depression ... from meeting to meeting, no lunch ... Delivery notes are not very expected ... at 17:00 hrs. was with a drop of those ... would have given anything for a hug, so ... hard if even a tear appeared, but did not let go. As a strong, independent woman, here I am ... Elias trying to read and thinking about the education work that I do tomorrow. The day is armed to the end ... I hope to make a difference today and lunch ... I behave myself and do not skip meals. It is the mission. Analyzing

my bodily reactions in recent times, I concluded that my hormones are playing me a trick ... may be the medication. In a way I'm not used to continue treatment as long ... the longest we had no more had followed with tonsillitis and bronchitis ... anyway ...

Anyway ... I will concentrate on what I should ... time is precious ... or at least expensive. Certainly

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complaints begin in a couple of hours ... but at this moment, I can only say that these days off more than just and necessary, it became my life raft for the remainder of the year ... and that is something.

The idea had started since a couple of months ... but given the "chance" that has turned my life at this time, I did not plan too. The idea was to leave the city on Independence Day ... destination did not matter ... but as was disconnected from the mail and telephone, ideal. After a few accommodations and "sacrifices" administrative, I decided to take from last Tuesday until today on vacation. I took my suitcase and headed to Vina del Mar. Yes, beach, sun, sea ... break, to serve you without worrying that one must get up early or has a meeting the next day ... just a dream. But just as beautiful ... I returned yesterday to the capital, with a pleasant taste and the idea that I must repeat these experiences more often, with the idea that the work is not everything and that there is life beyond the computer. If you could or would have been more extreme, was back Sunday ... but had two strong reasons not to do: I needed a day to connect back to the city and because it was the birthday of Hugo, the first to celebrate being together, which had a special flavor.

Following this last point, and taking account (sorry, "distortion" professional), 13 met the past 8 months together, and even now the story every week, I think I'm becoming increasingly convinced that "I'm with someone", and that means many things in my routine life I can not reach and grab my bags to go offline now beyond the things I like to do, I plan to thinking about them for two, or at least those that do exist in some degree of harmony. Not bad, but it is strange. Nor do I complain, I enjoy the advantages of "pairing", hugs, kisses, the company's complicity. Even me and complicate less snoring and even came to find tender. Watching him sleep can become a hobby that I enjoy during the sleepless nights ... "Who you saw and who sees you!". True, the ungrateful part comes when the connection is broken when we can not tell the other what we think ... but it is part of the challenge, and if you still feel like a "black box" on several things, in other I feel I have gained significant ground. "Destiny?, Where do we go?, No idea ... and if I have repeated endlessly that I do not like the uncertainty of this reality, at least I like to play I have the certainty to dream a little. They say there are people who "plan" much in a relationship and are flown to the long term ... I prefer to define myself as a person who does not like entancarse and at least have a look beyond the now, and even if things were to be as initially thought, I see nothing wrong with daring to want something beyond.

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I had not occurred to me interesting things ... Weird in the sense that out of daily of going back and forth, back and forth. Maybe today was the day.

fell out of bed a little past 7 in the morning ... early enough to be me from this year ... that before 8 I can hardly open his eyes. However, my sense of responsibility, and that it should check the class to do today was for me made me such a feat. He had been a night of slumber, and although I woke with a headache (it was cane, nor say whether it was lack of sleep), I started heading to college. Arriving ... earlier than usual, I hastened to make coffee ... needed wake neurons. Last the 10 managed to finish my task ... zombie wandered as though most of the day ... even for today's class I lacked the spark that I usually have (well, passing probability theory is nothing exciting either.)

I decided to leave the office early ... at about 5.45 I was back at home. Reminding them to buy some food, so after a change of clothes, went to the supermarket ... I took a car as usual and I walked the aisles, looking at things, but without paying attention to anything. He got his things and placed windows in the car, almost automatically. And so I followed my path, slowly ... until a carriage placed in front of me, without me moving ... I tried to dodge a time ... but it followed my movement, I tried to dodge a second time ... no results back. I lifted my head with an expression of boredom and wanting to protest ... but a smiley face shattered my plans, "You want to download face with someone ... but Dani, how long such Despit for life?". I stopped and saw the smiling face. "I can not believe you did it on purpose, I just said. "I had to get your attention ... you come along since the passage of the noodles." Roberto not seen since I began traveling to southern lands, and at first it took me recognize him, he looks older, with an unkempt beard and unkempt hair, but her naughty young face that always characterized him since we met when I went to college. I asked him what was in Santiago, and he replied that it was a time around here ... as month sabbatical. Is working, not a millionaire, but remains ... was what we achieve and talk while we're in the hallway of milk. I asked if he was running around, I said no ... I was just accompanying a friend who lived around these parts. Well, we must come together, I told him ... and asked what I had to do at that moment .... "Apart from paying and take the food home?, not much at this moment. "Well ... we can raise at a later time, he added. Ñuñoa agreed to meet at the Plaza at about 7.

I realized I was more than 3 years since I saw this goat ... as I said, it looks older, but the humor does not go away. Obviously I did the interrogation of rigor: work fairly stable, single, independent, childless, relatively quiet life. Certainly he repeated the examination in the opposite direction to which I had to answer about my situation, educational, employment and love. "Wow, a whole lucky." I laughed, adding something like "Well you know it's never enough." "Yes, I know ... do not just trivial, I would not surprise me that you peel off houses in a little while longer." That was double laugh ... "I do not deny that the idea can be attractive ... but it is impracticable," I added. "Very demanding Miss?", "Sometimes too ...". It was there that change the subject, I asked his parents, his sister. When he returned to South, and you would join us out there at some point. Were the best two hours of this sleepy day ... I think I needed drive information, even so trivial. Some days you wake up as if the worst of all ... but finishes decently ... today was one of them.

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And it will ... and who knows when

End of semester ... eager to end soon, but with a long list of things to finish. However, I let an "oasis" of rest between yesterday afternoon and now. Upon continuation of my work, I'll put some things not forget them on my own or that "contingency" I do forget.

Yesterday evening I went with Hugo to a marriage. Certainly not know anyone ... but nothing a shared cigarette can not solve: the sector smokers was my incentive to enter the conversation. The marriage was a friend of Hugo, of the school. And although I must admit I was a little can go with (sorry love), reflecting ... empathize with the idea, recalling the marriage of my college friends whom I have attended in the past two years. It was good, not bad I had to, I met people new and well ... I must admit that I felt as strange as it was the first event was "accompanied", but in this case the guest was me.

We retired relatively early event, exhaustion of the week was felt. Security arrived at the department before or about 1 hour. It was good too, because Hugo did not see him almost a week, and as I walk in my time "dependent", I was selfish, I wanted to pay attention only to me.

began Saturday afternoon ... in fact ... it starts in terms of production. All day lazy, watching TV, listening to music, not wanting to put a foot out of bed the day was for rest and spoiled. As winter day.

I do not like marriage ... but not because I have anything against the bond or something like that ... rather by the issue of formality and production. I always say that I'm getting married ... and if it did, it should be as simple as possible ... but I leave with my parents ... peleea and it would be one of those great. But hey, better not think about it ... are no conditions and eye-mind are made elsewhere at the moment ...

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The "teacher" late-night Saturday

I'm surprised my level of dependence on a few things in recent times: the integral flake cereal, the Biotronic and coffee are just one example of them. Some do not mention here, because the schedule is still under age ... but hey, my practices and behaviors have changed to some extent, either for good or evil.

I must say that I've gotten used to the new office that I share ... will feel like a can begin to demolish it in October ... uncertainty will know where we are going to fall ... but still needed for that. I worry, however, because time is passing too fast ... too much to realize that it is half a year, the semester ends ... and I still have many things to be closed. I surprised myself, for the support and desire that I have yet ... clear ... no new bird tired ... but as you notice dark circles ... well, no doubt.

Today I did one of the last classes of the semester ... I was surprised when a student asked me if I would class the next semester. I hope the question has been on "good sense" and not "again this mine $%·&·$%·". I like this role, have a good time ... I work hard, but it does not hurt, I do it with pleasure. Of course it is unpleasant parts, as work ... although more pro that against so far. No ... I hope teachers do not end up like the flat of his hits ... would not be the idea, had been fighting all this time in vain.

Independent living going well. Paying bills, feeling independent. Is missing, yes ... but the rewards are worth it. Like there is more concern that the kitchen, washing machine, vacuum cleaner, the common expenses ... routine is changed ... no one takes you out of bed every day ... now is "your responsibility."

And so ... life goes on ... Quick ... I was told that this was a year of changes ... but I never thought so much and so drastically. I hope to sit a while to think about it more calmly ... enjoy it more maybe ... "Chant a little bike" and then follow. No complaints, very valuable people around me ... is a support, but sometimes we like to make things even more ideal ... yes, yes ... the intrinsic human discomfort. I can not wriggle out of it overnight.

will continue in my work ... I go to bed early but ... cold, threatening rain ... and I'm not there to freeze free.

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the sound of "The Final Countdown" I take the last few minutes of this "day" before starting the withdrawal into the arms of Morpheus. Finally I went to filter through to the preference for the break without pc, and even Facebook is losing some favor with the passage of time ... now as an alternative to free minutes a day (every day less), works as a good substitute.

Finally my contract situation is regularized, and there is no salary arrears ... that allowed for a month beginning somewhat relieved, I could pay my bills and expenses. The tax rebate has also been ultra-saving ... pity that the payment for my college credit is the lead almost all ... "Things in life", right?

Last night I went on a "spree" to Texas with my comrades Orwellian. After finishing my graduate class (last semester!) After 20.30 ... I prepared to start my weekend. The night ended at Plaza Ñuñoa unintentionally, a couple of blocks from my house ... with a few beers. Understand that the awakening of today seem less pleasing to any other Saturday. Now beginning to notice that there is no longer as much resistance as before, definitely is not.

next week are several things between tests, classes, and multiple nicknames. The pituteo goes down in the external-UC, but has remained in the inner-UC, economic stability = less time for other things, like blogging. But hey, there are always victims of state changes. The blog has been one, you may be able to recover ... it would not be grace write here a test of how social order is possible as Luhmann ... that only compete my teacher ... and maybe a couple of isolated human beings in this world ... but must not exceed 1% of the population. Closing time

transmissions ... tomorrow we must start to greet mom on her day:)

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all much, low leaving me nothing

I've longed to write these days, unfortunately not with me a long time. And it is that I'm just putting in the routine of the semester. Try ordering from the best possible ... but the machine does not wait, and I love to ride at a walk, so that's additional requirement.

Finally, I consider myself a lucky woman in this time. I could control most of the things I thought uncontrollable in my life, and I greatly reduced complexity. There is stability in some things, and I'm getting another pair of them: I have declared two months of teaching and things have gone well, I have had one or two pituto, I have reinforced my social-professional contacts, but not get out much. I turned 3 months of formal courtship, which is also an achievement given my shaky history in that regard. I had the support of my close, not everyone wanted, but this pillar still standing, and that gives me confidence. The studies began with good signs, I hope to maintain. Projects emerge from a little, and that calms me ... I have no feeling of "stagnation" I accompanied by several months.

I'd expand on each theme, pages and pages ... but I think anything that would write him enough justice. Excuse or not, I have just expressed reflects how quickly the world has moved this year. I said it should be a 2009 more reflective internally ... but so far the space is limited. Against that, I can only put the brakes slowly and get used to that reality is different to what I saw and I watched for a while.

My independent life by little is taking shape. I miss some things about my life depends, and I can not deny it. However, as good exponent Leal, I'm stubborn and persevering in my decisions. While can continue with the master plan. It has to be, so I want to be. Miro

time, yawn ... did not manage to complete the database that was working. I will continue tomorrow ... I'm tired, I need sleep. Tomorrow is another day.

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March

March

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What is it?

The surprise of not knowing. Yesterday afflicted me a terrible stomach pain that brought to dehydration. Between last night and today was not worth a dime. I'm still stunned ... between thirst, heat, sleepless nights and the beating that means a night of fever.

is strange, because my heramanos has been quite the same in those terms, and my dad just coming out of their symptoms that lasted for about 3 or 4 days. The worst thing is that now my mother fell in the afternoon with similar symptoms. What is it?, "Virus? ... whatever, could not have chosen a worse week to show up.

Well, I'll for my dose of boiled water and to see Simply Red

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I can only say that this week is difficult .... I'm happy with what I'm doing ... but we're on Tuesday and I'm with a great weariness. But hey, everything is to sleep peacefully on Sunday in "my home."

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Ñuñoa week, here I come!

The last week has been full of surprise, quick decisions, happiness, romance and a dash of suspense. And finally say, "Yes, now it is true," comes more difficult than you think.

a couple of weeks ago, stunned by the heat of the afternoon, I went as usual to the real estate portal for "window shopping" ... recognize that without a lot of encouragement seriousness. After I found out that I won the scholarship, my eagerness to find a place to live on land were gone quickly. However, after finding a message "interesting", I opened my Excel spreadsheet and started to do the math. The lease, the common expenses, the salary, which pituto ... eat bread with butter every day ... etc ... etc. So I decided to try and sent mail to some warnings that proved appropriate. There was no answer, which turned my lethargy "Well, is not yet time."

it turned out one day that I went for some tests to San Joaquin, and I used to go to the office to take a survey, and while there I called a broker to say that these departments would show during the afternoon and that if I was interested to go. He had already gone to a few visits before, but never had convinced me a lot. But hey, nothing lost in trying again. So I went to see what the blessed department. Do not say it was love at first sight, but far exceeded my expectations ... and although the value was not "launched" at least it was payable for the location I had and my current income. There the struggle was for two things: if it was decided to lease it, and if no suitable candidates had me in the race for the dept. Quick decisions I said yes, he wanted it. So we turn to the second stage. A week of embers ... until I called a meeting with the owners, something funny, but I did not want to question. This was Friday.

In the interview I showed all my credentials have me see a serious and reliable, and when I say all, is all: occupation, place of work, school, responsibilities, etc ... etc ... had to earn it. I had already decided not to go on vacation for this, so I would not miss the opportunity to earn the department. I left with the feeling it could be. In the hours I called the runner, and I said that we are ok, the flat is mine, and that we to sign on Saturday at the notary. One of the best news they could give me that day. When I got was with Hugo on the Plaza Providencia, thinking where to eat to celebrate our "May I". Was happy, but nervous, because almost no step backward. But I relaxed that night was very good, excellent dinner that was more romantic than planned, and the idea that a major achievement was to my credit.

I'm still convinced my parents that I'm not going to China, but are more resigned, and even a bit excited about the idea ... to have another house to visit (?). Will be the "first chicken" coming out of the henhouse. It is a matter lower.

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All that I know ...

Cold Night ... or at least a little wind that chilled my feet. Sure, I went with husks cunning of the house, because at 4 in the afternoon was hot sunrise ... I figured that at 8 pm would be "cool" that way. Anyway, I'm home ... with a mug of tea and two pills in the body. I'm in pajamas, waiting for me down to sleep. I do not stay up late tonight. Today

despite medical checkup, it was a bad day. It was even romantic ... if it admits some space in my vocabulary. Yes, and supports it. Successful test could say, haha, or not?. And nothing, now go straight, take the medicines, get tested and see what happens. Set at the end holidays, leaving the remaining chunks, fun, fun ... receive money, invest, whatever. Something other than what has already been used, something different but never both. Old habits are uprooted from one so easily, no sir.